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Dealing with anxiety, others in sexual relationship


Let us first attempt to understand exactly what erectile dysfunction is and how it is caused . Then we will discuss how it can and does affect the lives of men who suffer from it , and how it affects the people around them , for it does affect wives , family , and friends too , even if it is indirectly .

Once we have a comprehensive understanding of the condition and what it entails , we’ ll discuss how to cure it . Erectile Dysfunction is generally defined as the inability to achieve or to maintain an erection long enough to engage in sexual intercourse .

However, to fully understand erectile dysfunction, one first has to understand how the process of erection works. Initially, you need to realise that the penis contains two chambers .

These chambers are called the corpora cavernosa , which are filled with spongy tissue. They run the length of the organ and contain a maze of blood vessels shaped like cavernous spaces .

An erection is achieved – and this is where you should pay full attention – when the blood vessels of the corpora cavernosa relax and open up – because of nerve messages which stimulate the penis , and impulses from the brain and local nerves . As blood rushes in through the cavernous arteries to fill them , it is trapped under high pressure, which expands the penis and voilĂ  – you have taken off .

So, under normal circumstances , when you are sexually stimulated, your brain will send a message down , through your spinal cord and into the nerves of your penis . The nerve endings of the penis then release chemical messengers, called neurotransmitters, which signal the arteries that supply blood to the corpora cavernosa to relax and fill with blood . As they expand, the corpora cavernosa close off other veins which would normally drain blood from the penis .

As the penis becomes engorged with blood , it enlarges and stiffens , causing an erection . Problems with blood vessels , nerves , or tissues of the penis can interfere with an erection .

In essence, erectile dysfunction is simply a problem with your blood flow, caused by varieties of factors which could be organic , circumstantial , psychological, environmental, psychosomatic, lifestyle and eating habits and so on , and thus , is a problem that can be easily resolved.

No need to be embarrassed about it , or to throw away your marriage, and be distressed and depressed, for it could happen to anyone. Failure to achieve an erection less than 20 per cent of the time is not unusual and treatment is rarely needed . Failure to achieve an erection more than 50 per cent of the time , however , generally indicates that there is a problem requiring attention.

Sometimes , erectile dysfunction only occurs in certain situations. For example , you may be able to obtain an erection by just looking at a nude picture or just thinking about your wife or just remembering the last time you had a great sex , or you may find that you sometimes wake up with an erection .

However, the same man may be momentarily unable to obtain an erection when he is with his wife.

In these circumstances , it is likely that the underlying cause of ED is primarily psychological, psychosomatic and circumstantial. However, if you are unable to obtain an erection under any circumstances , it is likely that the underlying cause is primarily physical . In order to achieve an erection , the following conditions must occur.
If there is something interfering with any or all of these conditions , a full erection will be prevented. The blood circulation into the penis must be adequate. The veins and tissues must be able to “ trap and keep ” the blood inside the penis.

There must be a stimulus from the brain . The nerves must be very sensitive , the prostate must produce testosterone.

Common causes of erectile dysfunction include diseases which affect blood flow, such as atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries ) or venous leakage (weak veins) , diseases affecting the heart in general , issues with diabetes mellitus , and infections .

Furthermore , psychological factors , such as stress , depression , and performance anxiety can lead to ED too , as well as an injury to the penis . Additionally , chronic illnesses , certain medications , and a condition called Peyronie’ s Disease (scar tissue in the penis ) can also cause ED.

Now , as most men and couples fail to truly understand ED, its causes, and how it can effectively be cured, through entirely natural means at home or natural herbal preparations , exercises and even massages , they tend to get scared, and then jump to irrational conclusions.
The lack of understanding breeds unfounded fears , which spawn a series of misguided thoughts and rash actions , and those in turn, engender significant distress , and a host of other problems in life.

In addition , husbands should know how to really protect their erection . I ’ m saying this because whenever a typical man calls in , sends an email or visits my office , one major question that is constant in their enquiries is how to protect their erection and how to maintain better ejaculation despite prevailing challenges .

Whatever the level of success a man may have achieved , one of the happiest moments is the moment his sexual prowess is celebrated . This shows that a man ’ s manhood is what defines him . It’ s what makes a man feel like a man .

And whenever sexual performance is questionable , it makes him feel less like a man . From a very young age , boys have grown up dreaming of superb sex . And when they get married and start having sex , there ’ s a lot of pressure to be great in bed . Typically , men want their wives to love them for their sexual prowess . And every time a wife tells them that they are the best in bed , it makes them proud and even produces instant hard - on . For most men, making a wife have orgasm is a huge relief. It’ s like a test where men need to constantly prove themselves .

And at some point in time , a man may not really be ready for sex , maybe because of tiredness, or because he is under a lot of stress or it could be due to ill health . When he does have sex during such times , he may have poor erection . And once that happens, the failure or inability to perform well lingers on his mind for so long. This is not only scary but confusing. No matter what a man does , every time he gets naked , the thought of a weak or inactive penis comes back into his head . And that leads to performance anxiety .

This is a psychological issue that scares lots of men who haven’ t been having wonderful sex even though they may be medically fit .

Just because of few attempts that have failed, these men try anxiously to overcome another episode of loss of erection , but the harder they try to get a hard erection back , the worse they feel about themselves . This performance anxiety could be so overwhelming that during sex , such men even frequently check their penis just to make sure all is well . But ironically, this makes them lose their erection .

This is frightening , especially if it ’ s a regular occurrence . When this happens , many men mostly think the worst has come but sometimes losing an erection may be all just in the head . When a man loses an erection a few times while having sex , but still manages to get a raging hard - on , he may not be suffering from any erectile dysfunction. In all probability, it ’ s all in his head .

When this happens , I tell wives to try and find ways to get their husbands ’ mind to stop having negative thoughts . Wives can also help distract the man ’ s mind from his weak penis and this helps them to get back in no time.

While fear of many things can make a man lose an erection at times , overexcitement can have the same effect too .

Wives do you know that the very thought that you ’ re so sexy and more sexually experienced can drive your husband so crazy , and chances are , he may end up losing his erection while his heart starts racing when he ’ s looking at you in bed .

It’ s a tough world for men, especially when they have to live up to the glorious expectations of women in the world. When a man loses an erection in bed , there are just two emotions he experiences – anger and fear .

He’ s angry with everything around him because he can ’ t keep it up. And he ’ s afraid it may happen again . And when this happens frequently , he starts to fill his head with other thoughts .

He’ ll secretly wonder if he ’ s not sexually attracted to his wife anymore . He feels like a failure because to him , he’ s failed to please his wife sexually. It shatters him and depresses him . He knows you haven’ t had an orgasm , which secretly makes him feel even more like a failure .
He’ s embarrassed . Losing an erection is like losing a game you ’ re very good at. It’ s embarrassing and humiliating. And it ’ s even worse if it happens often .

He’ s angry with himself . And he ’ ll stay angry for a long time , perhaps even for days.
When a man ’ s penis fails him , it ’ s something he can ’t understand. He can ’t justify any reasons for it and that makes him angrier. He then sometimes avoids sex . This is the most common route that most husbands take; he may want to avoid sex because he ’s afraid of repeating his failures .

Gaining back an erection is not only the work of the husband as wives can help immensely. Sometimes , the behaviour of the wife in bed after the man goes flaccid midway can have a huge impact on him .

So, wives , reassure your man and make him feel like his weak erection doesn’ t really bother you . Just tell him you ’re completely fine with what happened and both of you can do it some other time .

Talk about something else to take his mind off the issue and he ’ll feel grateful to you . Prolong foreplay , having sex as soon as he gets erect may seem like the best option, but it ’ s not always the right thing to do .

Instead, prolong the foreplay and let him just relax and enjoy his erection . Indulge in foreplay without giving any attention to his penis or erections.

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